The Final Truth

THE FINAL TRUTH

So here I am wearing my heart on my sleeves

To the tip of my fingers tempting to pour out

All its felt but untold emotions on this blank

Piece of paper. Words are still my closest friend,

They know the true story about me and the thoughts

That always crowd my mind when I’m alone with self

Trying to make sense of who I’ve became, and

Who hurt me so bad that I should despise love with all

That it stands for even when I’ve seen one person that my

Heart could be capable to love with all that it’s made of. Trying to

Make sense of things and feelings I always try to

Run away from in broad day light because I do

Not wanna be perceived as weak and emotional.

Words are still my best friends and right now they

Carry my heart and they refuse for me to lie in this poem.

They refuse for me to use them in hiding things.

And they refuse for me to bottle them up in my thoughts.

So here comes the truth in the perfect match of black

And white. Here comes the truth that has blossomed like fresh flowers

Newly sprung in spring. Here comes the truth revealing

The I in me, revealing the self. Here comes the truth, it had

To be told, I’ve sold myself in loneliness and lies for far too

Long now, when all I was longing for was just you.

your warm hands perfectly tucked in mine, your head safely rested

Upon my shoulders, and if you lifted it just one ounce your

Chick will be against mine and I would just long to lift your

Chin; tilt your head till my lips meet yours. This picture is just

All I’ve been constructing in my mind ever since I knew you.

I know this I’ve never told you, and you have studied

Me concluded that I possess a rare phobia of commitment,

Thus I toy around with other people’s emotions but still

Protecting myself.

You have studied me wrong, if you studied me right

You would realise the way I look at you, the way I block

Tears in my eyes every time because I do not know how

To look into your eyes and make you believe that you’ve

Made me feel like I’ve never felt before.

If you studied me right, you would know that I haven’t told

You this because I’m afraid of the fragile woman that you

Are and I find myself not worthy of you.

If you studied me right then you would know that

I love poetry more than life because it gives me life,

Therefore my poetry never lies, and this one just told

The truth of how I really feel about you.

I do love you.

STUCK IN TIME

Forgive me father for not believing

That your timing is always just perfect.

I’m stuck in time...

Butterfly wings floating in what used to be,

Memories of me and her, her and me.

I’m stuck in time...

I wanna find a leprechaun and abduct it.

Maybe the mythological little man of ancient

Folk law will grant me three wishes. 

I will look up to the sky holding stars

 in these very hands

That used to hold her; 

I’ll hold stars in between my laced

Two hands and believe nothing is impossible.

 Ill Wait and sing a prayer of these wishes. 

My three wishes are simple,

God am I asking for too much.

Grant me my son, her, our family.

At the end of this rainbow may

we find our hidden treasure?

Our golden pot of love that existed even before Christ

Came into existence, 

when the Goddesses of love like Venus

Ruled the universe and gave birth 

to the ancient believed in Cupid.

At the end of this rainbow I wanna find lost time, and re live

Memories like it was just yesterday,

At the end of this rainbow 

I wanna find a heart that once

Captured mine, maybe we will make endless love,

 float In magical clouds with Angels blessing us in unison.

We shall make endless love and in my womb we shall neat

Another being with art and poetry of her egg and my egg (it’s possible).

We shall name this new being Isis, the ancient Egyptian Goddess of

Fertility and magic for the magical connection

Between us could never be denied.

At the end of this rainbow…

I wanna find truth.

God I’m stuck in time.

Unseen Thoughts About You

set me free.
touch my soul
not with your hands
(reserve those for my delicate bottom).
but with your smile.

set me free and smile.
i remember vividly the
first time i saw you smile.
i blossomed from within
like a morning in early spring
with birds melodically singing
away, calling the sunlight to life,
picking with their beaks the early
morning dew over soft green grass.

i smiled and though i shall
confess that i perved over you.
my mind couldn't resist but race.
i recited unseen poems, never written,
hidden ancient porn poems
of the love making i wanna
share with you.
in my mind i dared undress you.
your life giving hills in the
capable palm of my hands.
willingly i explored contours
of your body,
we emerged to the heavens
and back.
we, emerged to the
future,
we came to acceptance.
this is right.
so we breath into
each other in slow motion kisses,
souls singing,
body's sinking and rising
into one another in unison.
unicorns sure even exists
because this magic exist too.

Pause!!

lets rewind,
out of my dirty mind.
i said set me free my stud lover,
touch my soul.
im ready,

Pregnant Butch Women

before i even start this article, i will first state that i will say it LOUD. the whole aim of my blog after all is to say things that people still fear to talk about or things that are considered to not be normal in the lesbian communities.

this article was inspired by a post i followed on facebook. the poster stated "ngathi uyanda lomkhuba wama butch amithayo" (this trend of butches who get pregnant is increasing rapidly.) i am not going to be the one who is going to justify why butches get pregnant and whether or not they should or should not fall pregnant. i followed this person's posts for quiet some time; on a regular basis she finds the need to post a nasty comment about butches who get pregnant. what is more interesting is the comments that will flood the post with about 99% of the commenters agreeing with her bullshit of a post. this is a butch lesbian woman who has a son about 9 years old. well, im sure she justifies being a butch mother because she had that child before she could label or classify herself as butch.

her other post was directed to femme lesbian woman she asked: "Ma Femme wena ungenzenjani if your Butch Lover got Pregnant." her other post said: "its Better for a femme to be pregnant, there is nothing as disgusting as a pregnant butch woman." with all this posts, i just click the get notifications icon and follow comments and be amazed by the stupidity of the lesbian community, the butch ones in particular.
i would like to state my case and say, a butch lesbian woman is no less of a woman that a femme lesbian woman. they both have the bottom side that can open to things going in, a womb that can accept swimming semen, Fallopian tubes that bear eggs that break every month and thus leading to menstruation.a butch woman secretes hormones like Progesterone too, this hormone makes sure the endometrium gets lined up every time and ensures that if this person got pregnant, the womb will be more than capable of carrying a child. they have breasts that can very much secrete milk.

butch lesbian women also have a need, a natural need to nurture. as one gets older they feel the yearning to have children and have seeds to call their own. as a butch lesbian woman, it is never easy to just wake up one day and say now i will marry a man and have children and be happy for the rest of your life. but that yearning to be called a mom and a have children of your own is always there, it never goes away. when one labels themselves as butch, this does not mean they do not possess femininity within them or can not feel what other women feel. we all desire something we can really call our own, and that something most often is "Children".  
not long ago i was watching an episode of "Between women.". Mia (Butch) was telling her wife that she wants to have another child and she said "I will carry it." so in my mind i was thinking: "if Mia walked around as a pregnant butch woman in South Africa, she was probably going to be the talk of the town and a disgrace to those who think of themselves as more butch than others." that is the problem right there we tend to think we know more about other people and we box them in our little minds and make stupid conclusions about their lives. we think we know what the right way of being a Butch lesbian is. we have formulated formulas, and recipes of what butches should act and behave like. we forget that one is human before being a lesbian, one is a woman before being a lesbian, one is a lesbian before being a butch lesbian.

in this time and age there is a variety of ways that can help women conceive without even having slept with a man. the procedures are usually costly but a couple can budget for it and if the couple decides among themselves that the Butch one in a relationship is the one who is going to carry the child then let it be. if other couples can not afford the invitro then so what if they make that sacrifice of one sleeping with a person that the couple both trusts so that they can conceive. i know a lesbian who was at a point where she desperately wanted to have kids and she obviously could not afford medical procedures so she asked her gay best friend if they could just do it to have a kid and they both had a mutual agreement. their partners agreed to it too.

i think its about time we pay attention to what we do and forget about what everyone else is doing. if you feel your way of being a butch lesbian is a right way than keep at it, keep your standards, keep your stereotypes, keep your everything that makes you sleep better at night, but do not dare dictate what is right to you to anybody else because your right may be their wrong. what i have noticed too is that people make a mistake of thinking that being a lesbian is measured according to who one has sex with, if you think lesbianism is about sex, then revisit your definitions. emotions do not reside in ones vagina. if a lesbian woman wakes up one day and decides she wants to experience what sex with a male person is like, that should not be anybody's business. that for me does not also make her less of a lesbian than anybody else. i am not trying to condone anything here but i just want people to start thinking out of the box. i want people to do what feels right with them and stop judging other people or measuring other people according to certain standards. we are all different in our own right. we all have different journeys that we walked and are still walking towards discovering ourselves and our sexuality. it is never an easy over night journey. what your sexuality means to you may differ from what it means to someone else.

to butch women, i would like to say; it is ok to be pregnant, it is ok to be a woman and a bearer of children, it is ok to keep life growing in you. be proud of yourself for wanting to be a mother. others get pregnant, lie about being raped, others abort their babies because they feel that its better to live a lie, its better to hide truths from the community that will viciously judge. IT IS OK. butch women deserve families too and that does nor make you any less of a lesbian

I SAID IT LOUD