i shocked myself when I realised that the last time I posted on my blog was in January this year. I have been neglecting writing and therefore also neglected this baby. I had to revisit it though today because I do not own a diary and some thoughts can not be kept locked inside the mind like a caged bird. like usual, I write about things I have knowledge of, and that's always my emotions and they are always about love.
love is a complicated subject. one would write a million blogs trying to analyse it and feelings associated with them, especially if you are a woman in love with another woman.
sometimes we get into relationships because we are just too scared to be alone so the thought of getting someone who will send texts every morning and night to say how much they love you, how much they miss you, how you the most beautiful girl in the world or how good you give it to them in bed is quite appetising. But like always, those relationships never last. we also get into relationships because we just feel pity for the other person. (its true trust me). you get those people that don't have anything in life because they refuse to get up and put their act together so we wanna play mother Terresa and save the world and prove that "true love still exists" and you would convince yourself that material things don't buy happiness. sooner or later though that person will annoy the smurf out of you and that relationship wont last.
And sometimes, just sometimes we get into relationships because God intended us to, we get into relationships because it really "was meant to be". the sad part about getting into this kind of a relationship is that they come when least expected (which is good though), and sometimes the other person will love you more than you ever expected and the thought of being loved just shakes you and you wanna get away from it because you think you don't deserve such. And sometimes you learn to love when you are on the verge of loosing love. That moment when you feel like the person will give up on you and walk away then it hits you. you start loving all the things that you thought annoyed you about that person. you realise all the time they have cried because of you and all you wanna do is just kneel infront of them and say "I love you too", you regret how you always made them feel small and as if they were not good enough for you. at that point you just want to worship the very ground that they walk on and you pray like you have never prayed before that Heaven must just restore the love again because you have never seen love so pure and you realise the truth in her eyes was always just that "TRUTH".
when you are at the verge of loosing love (The most painful feeling I know to date) you even start wanting to do all the silly things that really never meant much. you realise the value of posting on bae's facebook wall just to brighten her day once in a while and just because you really want all the other skinny bitches (forgive my French) on her facebook to know ukuthi uBae owami, owami ngedwa. you realise the value of tagging her on a status after a beautiful day just to say thank you and because you want the whole world to know that you are taken by Bae, you are not ashamed of her and you want all the world to know that you have an awesome girlfriend. You realise the value of posting goofy pictures of the two of you just because you want everyone to know that Bae is the most coolest best friend anyone could ever ask for, not because you wanna display your relationship in public. you realise the value of just letting her lie on your chest even for a second because she always wants you close to her. the value of her wanting to share little things with you, like the last pull of your cigarette (at that moment, you just want to buy a 1000 packs of cigarettes just so you can say, "smoke with me". take a few pulls off my hand").
its painful realising love when you almost loose love. its a feeling I wouldn't wish upon anyone. but if Bae stays and takes a few steps back to you after wanting to walk away, Bae deserves love in its purest form, Bae deserves love for all eternity. Bae is the one you should swallow your pride for and go on one knee to propose... Do it now ..
#CulturedButterfly
